Terrorist are Everywhere

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/pope_returns_to_vatican_with

Dear Americans,

While we, the United States government, have tried to our fullest extent to protect the land we love with our lives, it seems that we have been broadsided by an unsuspecting individual and his terrorist unit. Pope Benedict XVI recedes in Vatican City where he is the sole ruler of his nation and of his religious followers that also reside there. During one of his visits to the United States the Pope made several inquires about sensitive information such as the seating capacity of Yankee Stadium, amount of civilians in Washington, the D.C. metro area and of any spots of vulnerability along his tour. Because of the Pope’s official looking appearance, he was able to access this information and view secret documents through inquiring about them to President W. Bush and federal officials. He also had full access to the White House and the National Cathedral. Because we, the government, did not see the Pope as a potential threat he was able to see sensitive information and also might have stolen a blueprint to Freedom Tower. Now all we can do is sit and wait for him and his followers to make the first move.

After this incident we have learned that we can trust no one. If the most revered religious figure can conspire against the United States then what would prevent figures like the Dali Llama to do the same? As citizens of the United States I encourage everyone to look for suspicious behavior and to suspect everyone.

Thank you

The United States Government